God puts us in positions where we can help others through coaching. It is an opportunity to add value to those in our families, at work or with friends during important stretches of their lives.

A good coach is a shepherd—not a manager. Our intentions can be good yet our effectiveness is diminished when we manage more than shepherd. Some indicators that we’ve slipped into managing are that we’re more focused on the person’s behavior than on his or her spirit, or on our expectations rather than God’s plan. Isaiah 40:11; Proverbs 18:14

Here are three beliefs that will help us coach and shepherd well.

1) People are the true treasures of life. Shepherding is costly and not the easiest approach to help people. It often involves unmet expectations and emotional fatigue. People we care about and heavily invest in, can wear us out. Yet they are God’s treasures revealed to us by the high price He paid for us. Luke 15:3-31

2) God is in charge of the process. If things don’t unfold as I had hoped, it’s not necessarily because I’m failing, it’s because God has a plan that’s beyond my grasp. If I carry the pressure to make things better, they may become resistant and I will become exhausted. Prov. 21:1, 30-31

3) A shepherd knows those in his care. Understanding is indispensable for me to coach with wisdom and to have the trust of the one I want to help. When I know someone, then I’m able to better help them because I can touch their heart which is, of course, the most important part of their lives. Prov. 4:23; 18:13; 27:23

Thank you for your friendship with us and Lighthouse. You are important to us and the many individuals and families we help, who need coaching-shepherding through challenging times.

Blessings,

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When Larry and I were busy raising our young children it was easy to let others’ demands determine how we spent our time instead of carefully protecting our schedule. The fear of missing out, disappointing someone, not doing my share or depriving our kids taunted me when I tried to cut back.

One night after sharing a new opportunity I was considering, Larry gently said, “When you are over committed the whole family suffers.” Internally, I balked. It seemed to work on paper, why wouldn’t it work in life? But inside I knew he was right.

Life takes time. Relationships take time too. It takes time for our minds to relax and to tap into the deeper issues of the soul.

That reality dawned clearer one night after Larry and I had some great sharing. It wasn’t that we didn’t spend time together, but my mind was too often pulled to what needed to be done or by interruptions. That night I realized how distractions were robbing me of companionship with my best friend.

We decided to limit our family’s activities. Choosing less helped us to choose better and enjoy life and each other more. It also gave us time to linger over more meals. Our lives were not perfect. I still heard myself saying, “Hurry up” to our children way too much, but it helped.

Martha had the same problem. While Mary sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said, Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38-42 NIV).

Everyday we must choose between the few meaningful things and a life stretched thin by many distractions. Time spent connecting with God, my spouse, children and friends is time well spent. What have you found to help you slow down and drink deep from the well of life?

If you’ve found a way that has enriched your life and helped you unplug a little while from the madness, please share it. I’ll pass on some ideas in a future post. Many of us are still learning that saying “no” to the non-essentials is saying “yes” to what matters most.

Blessings,

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In college I had an appealing English professor who said we should do away with marriage. “After all, what difference does a piece of paper make?” It was a radical view back then, but now many in our society believe this professor’s view and no longer value marriage.

God esteems marriage and tells us to also. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all” (NIV). After all, marriage was God’s idea. He created it, defined it and blessed it. God is not only the author of marriage, having created us, He knows what’s best for us.

One way we honor marriage and experience its blessing is to practice the definition God gave in Genesis 2: the two shall become one flesh—one man forsaking all others was joined to one woman for life. This “one flesh” union is repeated in Ephesians 5 illustrating the mystery of Christ’s relationship to the church. Entering marriage with an “as long as love lasts” attitude does not work well or represent God’s idea of marriage.

Parenting expert and columnist John Rosemond wrote that the children of unmarried, cohabiting parents are at higher risk for most of the problems associated with children without a father in the home. His list for the latter group included asthma, drug and alcohol abuse, obesity, smoking and delinquency. They do poorer in school, and as young adults are more likely to be in jail. As adults they earn lower wages. 1

In North Carolina we have a rare opportunity to honor marriage by voting for the marriage amendment on May 8. This amendment keeps the definition for marriage the same as it has been since the beginning of time. It does not change anything or take away the rights of anyone. It prevents one person (a judge) from having the power to override the will of the majority. (For more on why it is good to protect marriage click here.)

Righteousness exalts a nation, But sin is a disgrace to any people, (Proverbs 14:34, NIV). Because some have abused the good institution of marriage does not mean something is wrong with this time old tradition. God knows that it takes two to make a marriage last. Let us each do our part to honor marriage.

Blessings,

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1 John Rosemond, Lack of Marriage Puts Kids at Risk, The New & Observer, Tuesday, April 24, 2012

About ten years my senior, Patti was accomplished in many areas including winning her state’s “wife of the year” title. She balanced her home, ministry and family with apparent ease—a perfect role model for young wives. She traveled to university campuses helping young women embrace Christ and womanhood.

Years after losing touch with Patti and her husband, I ran into a mutual acquaintance. I was shocked to learn that she had left her husband and sons to run off with another man in Christian ministry.

I haven’t seen Patti and don’t know what happened to cause her to leave her family and all she had stood for, but her story reminds me that talented, accomplished and spiritually knowledgeable people can be filled with hidden turmoil. Their brilliant achievements and polished social skills create a perfect foil for inner uncertainty.

I wonder if Patti shared her secret struggles with anyone, or if she was ever still long enough to acknowledge them. Another ministry giant encountered his own questions and confusion. While in prison, John the Baptist sent his disciples to Jesus to ask if He was the one or if they were to look for someone else.

In other words, life had not turned out like John had imagined. John had been faithful to his mission and now suffered in prison while Jesus freely walked the countryside preaching and healing. Is that how God rewards his faithful servants? If Jesus was really the Messiah how could He allow this to happen?

Instead of scolding John for his doubts, Jesus reassured him by showing how Isaiah’s prophecies were being fulfilled. He even commended John before the people, and then added, “Happy is anyone who doesn’t stumble along the way because of me.” (Luke 7:23, CEB).

I don’t know what caused my friend to fall in her faith, but if John the Baptist and Patti could stumble, in the right circumstances, so could I; so could you. John took his doubts to Jesus and received what he needed to stay true and receive a heavenly crown.

Have you been thrown in a prison that has shaken your faith? Confinement in a sick body, a lonely marriage or prison of pain can generate doubts. Don’t bury your confusion in activities or accomplishments; ask for help. Jesus doesn’t condemn us for our shaky emotions. He extends grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:11-16). Being honest can help us to stand.

Blessings,

Thanks for praying for Larry.

His second cataract surgery went very well. His eye pressure was great after the surgery. The drugs still seem to stir up vertigo, but over all he is doing well. Thanks again for your prayers.

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As I began to read the Scriptures, hope started to surface. The passage didn’t seem to have anything to do with my concerns, and yet God used it to meet me. I experienced the mystery of God using His Word to wash, heal, comfort and guide. I love it when that happens.

Do you feel stranded in a spiritual desert? When you have done all you know how to do to connect with God and still feel dry, don’t be dismayed.

For several weeks we have looked at nourishing our souls by establishing good habits and addressing attitude and internal distractions. Now let’s look at tepid feelings.

We know that faith is not the same as seeing, but how important are our feelings in regard to our faith? Feelings matter to us, but they don’t determine reality. Many things, including disappointment, loss, stress, hormones, health, and our past, influence how we feel. In other words your feelings may be saying something about your life but not necessarily much about how God is relating to you.

It is common for those who lacked closeness with their earthly fathers to feel distant from their heavenly Father. Those whose dads were absent or distracted may feel their personal desires don’t matter to God.

Are you one of those who didn’t have a close relationship with your father? Was your father even abusive? That doesn’t have to hinder your relationship with God. God wants to heal and restore that loss with Himself.

Remember, faith pleases God (Heb. 11:6). The disappointments that make it hard to feel God’s closeness can work to strengthen our faith. When our emotions aren’t moving us toward God, the roots of our faith must dig deep to tap the living water. This strengthens our faith and frees us from relying on a flow of fickle feelings.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses … For when I am weak, then I am strong,” (2 Cor. 12:9-10, NIV).

If you don’t feel close to God, don’t get discouraged. Throughout each day practice opening your heart to receive His love. Ask Him to open your eyes to His work in your life. When doubt enters your heart, remember the cross. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends,” (Jn. 15:13, NIV).

Blessings,

Please pray for Larry.

He has his second cataract surgery this Tues. He had a bad reaction to the drugs last time. Thanks for your prayers.

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These words both encourage and warn me. Listening well means that when God provides light (or insight), such as showing us something new or affirming a new direction, we adapt to the light. As we apply what we learn, our light or understanding expands.

If, however, we shelve the illumination we receive until a time that better suits us, we risk losing it. In other words, insight applied grows and glows through our lives. Insight hidden, dims and eventually goes out.

As I read these verses, the Lord brought to mind something I sensed He had said to me at a recent conference. When I came home and began to act on it, I felt intimidated, doubted I had heard Him correctly and decided I was too busy to act on it now anyway.

As I read the above verses I realized I don’t know what will happen if I act, but I know what will happen if I don’t. I will miss an opportunity to experience God and be enriched.

Jesus said, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work” (John 4:34, NASB). Obeying God satisfies as well as enlightens.

What has God said to you in His Word? Has He given you encouragement, a warning, correction, a fresh vision? What have you done with what He’s said?

Remember this principle: use the light, or lose it. When we come to God’s Word, we listen carefully by applying what we learn.

Blessings,

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For many of us, the crucifixion of Christ has been neatly filed away as a fact of the faith, shielding us from uncomfortable emotions associated with the agony that preceded the first Easter. Richard Wurmbrand, who spent 14 years imprisoned for preaching his faith in Eastern Europe, said that when he preached on the Cross to those who had suffered behind the Iron Curtain there was not a dry eye. When he came to the West and preached the Cross, there was not a wet eye.

As we prepare for Good Friday and Easter, let’s remember what Jesus suffered for us.

Jesus suffered as He prepared to take our sin on the cross.

Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; … ” (Matt. 26:38, NASB).

And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground, (Luke 22:44, NASB).

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission,”(Hebrews 5:7, NIV).

Jesus was betrayed by one of His 12 disciples.

But Jesus said to him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?” (Luke 22:48, NASB).

Jesus was disowned by one of His closest friends.

The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times,” (Luke 22:61, NIV).

Jesus was mocked and beaten by soldiers.

The men who were guarding Jesus began mocking and beating him. They blindfolded him and demanded, “Prophesy! Who hit you?” And they said many other insulting things to him, (Luke 22:63-65, NIV).

Jesus suffered injustice from the religious leaders.

Now the chief priests and the whole Council kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus, so that they might put Him to death, (Matt. 26:59, NASB).

Jesus suffered injustice and brutality from the government and the people.

And all the people said, “His blood shall be on us and on our children!”  Then he released Barabbas for them; but after having Jesus scourged, he handed Him over to be crucified, (Matt. 27:25-26, NASB).

And he said to them the third time, “Why, what evil has this man done? I have found in Him no guilt demanding death; therefore I will punish Him and release Him.”  But they were insistent, with loud voices asking that He be crucified. And their voices began to prevail. 24 And Pilate pronounced sentence that their demand be granted, (Luke 23:22-24, NASB).

Jesus suffered humiliation by being crucified as a criminal, being separated from His Father and taking our punishment.

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”), (Matthew 27:46, NIV).

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God, (2 Cor. 5:21, NIV).

Hallelujah, what a savior!

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed,” (1 Peter 2:24, NIV)

¹⁰ And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all… ¹⁴ For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

¹⁵ The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this… ¹⁷ Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more,” (Hebrews 10:10-17, NIV)

Because Jesus was perfect through His sufferings, God won’t remember our sins, but we benefit when we remember the cross and the One who took away our sins. May we never forget what Jesus did for us.

Celebrating Easter,

Prayer Update: Thanks for your prayers. Larry’s eye pressure was back to normal today.

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Worthwhile habits help us reach our goals. To make the most of your time with the Lord, try implementing the following:

Screen your attitude.

Approach God’s Word with expectancy. Ask God to speak to you and to grant you a receptive heart. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Hebrews 11:6, NIV).

God knows your needs and wants to meet them. Will you let Him? Faith not only says God is able, but also affirms God wants to satisfy me. Knowing our time will be rewarded eliminates some of our nagging thoughts.

Stop screaming distractions.

Sometimes life’s urgencies shout “look at me!” When this happens, use them as opportunities to engage with God. I use a bound journal or notebook for this. I use the front of my journal for Bible Study and turn it upside down to use the back for prayer and transferring my concerns to the Lord. When my writing meets in the middle, it is time for a new journal.

As I write my concerns, I transfer each one to the Lord. Doing this quiets my mind. Just writing your concerns won’t settle your mind. One by one, roll them onto Jesus as you write them down.

Worrying on your knees is still worry. Praying in faith brings the peace of God. (See Philippians 4:6-7). Peace allows us to hear from God.

Always come in faith expecting to hear from God. I don’t mean you’ll hear an audible voice, like Moses did from the burning bush. I mean God will use what you are studying to address your needs and enrich your soul.

Choices add up. If I got sick the moment I ate that really rich dessert and felt energized the moment I ate a serving of  fruit or veggies, it would be easier to predict the long term effect of my choices. But most actions, good and bad, are only seen over time.

So even if you don’t experience a verse leaping off of the page, or have an immediate attitude change, don’t be discouraged. You are putting fuel in your soul tank that will be there when you need it. Healthy character, like healthy body cells, is built by our habits one day at a time.

Blessings,

P.S. Thank you for your prayers, comments and emails. They lifted my spirits, and God answered. My surgery went well. I woke up thinking I had dreamed it all. Now I must strengthen and get mobility back in my knee. Thanks again.

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A Place:

Select a special place for Bible study. Make it inviting and comfortable. Invest in the right equipment: a Bible of a translation you find easy to understand, a notebook, pen, good lighting, comfortable chair and desk or table—whatever you prefer. Keep your Bible study supplies together in this location. I enjoy visual appeal, too. If that is important to you, include a plant, open window or colorful painting.

Besides nourishing us, God’s Word also cleanses us and promotes worship. To create a private spa just for Bible study is a real treat and retreat from the tensions of life, but sometimes that is not practical. Timing or concentration will make your place private. My kitchen table has fed my body and soul many times.

Where will you meet with the Lord? What do you need to make your place better suited to serve your time of spiritual refreshment?

A Time:

Next choose a time that works with your schedule. My time to meet with God has varied as my life has changed. I enjoy being able to spend quiet time with the Lord before I start my day, but when my children were babies that was impossible for this night owl. I was much more alert after putting them to bed at night.

When they were school age, I would send them off to school and take care of morning tasks. Around 10 O’clock I would take my cup of tea to my personal space and enjoy my time with the Lord. I set aside one day a week for a longer time of study.

What time is your best time to meet privately with the Lord? Maybe you want to set aside some lunches during the week to enjoy a sandwich and your Lord.

Finally, remember Paul’s words to Timothy, “… train yourself to be godly. 8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:7-8, NIV). Time spent with the Lord is never wasted. It is an investment in the quality of this life and life to come.

Blessings for total health,

Prayer Request: I have surgery on a torn meniscus this Thursday. I appreciate your prayers for the surgery and recovery process. Thanks so much.

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Our spirits also need daily refreshment. In the Old Testament, God supplied daily manna from heaven to sustain the children of Israel during their stint in the wilderness. Each morning they collected manna, and at the end of the day they threw out the leftovers. Those who disobeyed this command woke up to a foul-smelling, worm-infested mess (Ex. 16:20).

The only exception to the rule of throwing out the unused manna was the Sabbath. The manna collected the day before the Sabbath remained fresh throughout the Sabbath day of rest.

Moses applied the need for daily manna to our need for daily spiritual food. “He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deut. 8:3, NIV).

God’s word is our spiritual manna. It is living, sweet, and satisfying. (Hebrews 4:12; Matthew 4:4; Psalm 19:10). We need a fresh serving each day.

Spiritual Application:

• The Israelites ate manna seven days a week. They did not feast one day and fast six. How many days a week do I feed my soul on God’s Word?

• They collected the manna six days out of seven, but rested one day from gathering it. Perhaps we could compare that to reading our Bible for ourselves (or collecting manna) six days a week and being fed by a Sunday sermon and Sunday School lesson one day a week.

• Left over manna did not nourish except on the Sabbath. Remembering how God has spoken to me in the past is not the same as listening and walking with Him today. Hearing what God taught someone else is encouraging, but is not the same as spending time with Him myself.

This need not be complicated. Some days you may only be able to meditate on one verse. Other days you can feast on a passage. Just keep it fresh and living.

Physical Application:

After posting “Part of a Miracle,” several asked for my green smoothie recipe. Besides the recipe posted in the comments under that blog, here is a recipe that is sure to satisfy your body and sweet tooth. The most nourishing foods are living, fresh, and naturally sweet. Take in a variety daily.

Chocolate Almond Butter Smoothie

In a high powered blender mix the following per serving:

1 cup coconut milk (I like So Delicious found in dairy case) or almond milk
1-2 cups of dark leafy greens
1 Tbsp. almond butter (easier to digest than peanut butter)
2 tsp. cocoa or carob powder
1 Tbs. (or to taste) raw agave nectar to sweeten
1-2 frozen ripe bananas
Few ice cubes

Optional: flax seeds

Blend and enjoy.

Blessings for total health,

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